"Charisma is the special quality that gives an individual influence, charm, or inspiration over large numbers of people." That Random House dictionary definition is rather disappointing because it explains what charisma does, but not what it is. Dictionaries are suppose to define words, but all Random House does is define charisma as "the special quality." What I wanted to know was what the "special quality" is?
No wonder charisma is such a mystery. No one seems able to define it; they just say that they know it when they see it. It makes charisma sound like a mystical something that a person is born with. Either you have it or you don't. That concept was not good enough for me. I was writing an evolutionary leadership book and I wanted to include a chapter on how leaders could exercise charisma. If the dictionaries wouldn't explain what the "special quality" was, then I would have to discover it on my own.
I started by examining the three elements mentioned - influence, charm, and inspiration. Influence, I discovered, correlates to persuasion. Someone who is persuasive is changing the viewpoints of others. Okay then, a charismatic person is persuasive.
Charm relates to the power to please. A charming person causes us to feel good about ourselves. Such a person is quick to recognize what is best about us and slow to point out our shortcomings. These people hit emotional cords that cause us to feel good when we are around them, see them, hear them, or even just think about them. It appeared to me, therefore, that a person with charisma is one who persuades us to feel good about ourselves.
Inspiration relates to what we could be. It gives hope and rejects despair. Hope is critical for humans. With it we endure and strive to master our lives. Conversely, the total loss of hope is the preamble to suicide. The special something of charisma would then appear to be the ability to give hope by persuading us to feel good about ourselves.
It occurred to me that charisma is much more than popularity. Someone can be popular and admired for talents or accomplishments without sharing hope or providing any good feelings about us. I would offer that popularity is often a shallow characteristic, where charisma is frequently venerable. I should mention, however, that charisma is neither good nor bad. Considerable evil has been done by charismatic people. Adolph Hitler, Julius Caesar, and Napoleon are examples. Therefore, "the special quality" is a tool that takes its merits from the user.The next part of this article will explain how that works.
There are three essential characteristics you can practice for charisma:
First - you will want to have a positive purpose. It is important to have a vision of something important to accomplish. John F. Kennedy had his vision of a new frontier, Florence Nightingale's vision was easing the misery of war, and you will want a vision that fits your uniqueness. Yours does not have to be grandiose to be charismatic. Your vision can be as down to earth as (building a reputable business by providing good honest services for reasonable profits). Another vision could be (raising happy, well-adjusted children), or (providing positive leadership for a clean, graffiti free community). Something as basic as (becoming the most entertaining taxi driver in Toledo) could work if it fits your visceral desires. An excellent guide for identifying your positive purpose is the annually produced book What Color Is Your Parachute, by Dr. Richard Nelson Bolles. This work will help you identify your greatest motivations. It helps the reader unlock their honest, worthwhile desires. That is important, because sincere visions are more likely to form and rise to your conscious awareness.
Second - you will do best with honest self-confidence. This is not cockiness or brashness, but sincere confidence that you can and will attain your visions. When you start taking action towards your visions, sparks of confidence will help with little accomplishments. Even little successes foster eager anticipation and healthy curiosity for the next steps. Your enthusiasm rises and excitement grows. Excitement is contagious and exudes influence. Already you are experiencing the initial sparkle of charisma. To determine your current level of self-confidence I suggest you answer the following eight questions:
1. Do your best hopes of getting ahead rest with the lottery? Y/N
2. Are most of your problems caused by someone else? Y/N
3. When asked what you do for a living do you first say whom you work for , before you say what you actually do? Y/N
4. Are you a staunch backer of a sports team and are you depressed for more than a day when they lose? Y/N
5. Do you frequently need drugs, alcohol, or some other substance to feel good about yourself? Y/N
6. Are you enamored with someone and do you model your actions after that person? Y/N
7. Do you get embarrassed if others imitate or model your actions? Y/N
8. Do you experience strong urges to punish others for what they have, or are, doing to you? Y/N
If you have eight (no) answers, that could indicate the honest perception of self-confidence that is compatible with charisma. Each (yes) answer detracts from the honest self-confidence you will want to develop. In my book The Outstanding Man I set forth six "Pilot Lights" to start your journey to the level of assurance you will want for your "special qualities."
Third - You will want (yes) answers to the three questions that everyone is asking about you. These questions are universal. Whether or not you are consciously aware of the fact, you are asking these questions about your relationships with others, and other people are asking them about you. These insights are attributable to Mr. Lew Holtz, one of the most successful college football coaches of all time and a truly charismatic person. Coach Holtz suggests that these were the universal questions that his players asked themselves about him. They are:
1. Can I trust you?
2. Are you dedicated to your purpose?
3. Do you really care about me?
Are two yes answers good enough? I think not. It takes all three for a person to be truly charismatic. Therefore, I ask the questions about myself almost every day. If I can honestly answer yes and I have a positive purpose with the confidence to succeed, then to many people I am charismatic. There is absolutely no reason why you cannot be the same.
